You can't motorboat a personality
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
