If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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