he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
