I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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