I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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