So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
