my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
