Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
