Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
