I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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