He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
