well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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