found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
This is classic penis vs brain.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
