I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
