The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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