Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
