Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
