my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
