He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
