Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
