her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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