Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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