it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
