I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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