i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
