when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Randomize
