I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
