We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
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That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
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Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
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