phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
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It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
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You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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