i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
