God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i dont even know how to be here
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
