I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
