I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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