I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i think i have two assholes
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
