My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize