I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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