If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
