just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
