a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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