I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
