So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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