OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
