How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he was CRYING into my vagina
her facebook's as public as her vagina
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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