drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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