theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
