if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
