i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
