Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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