8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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