I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
