Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
