Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I think I just shit out all my problems.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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