My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
