Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
