Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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