I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
