i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
