Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
