Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
