So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
