you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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