I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize