I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
