I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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