he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
