Well douche your snatch and let's go!
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
