She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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