After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
