She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
