Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
