Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
