Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
